12/1/2019
…my last week of playing with pilates and dance in the studio before my surgery on my hip.
i am nervous…. not because i don't think the surgery and recovery is
a good idea or won't be successful but because this is my second
surgery this year (#shadowwork) and very my first surgery where
my instrument that leads my dance career will be tampered with.
and i have the oddest emotions about it. i feel almost super
protective over my body in a way that i never knew before or
understood (like a mama wolf feeling protecting of her baby from
the outside world? idk where that analogy came from lol) and i have
a slight feeling of violation to my body with this surgery, although i
know i will be in great hands and everything is going to be 100
awesome. i am also nervous because as i've been training to be a
pilates instructor, i have been getting the strongest i've ever been
and felt in my life and it's hard knowing i will have to slow up for
6-8 months after the surgery. i don't want to lose the strength and
body achievements that i am finally finding.
however underneath all that, i have a deep feeling and knowing that
after 4 years of off and on pain and micromanaging of my hip and
my career, this is going to be a really beautiful and successful
surgery and recovery. my intuition and spirit guides tell me this and
they never steer me wrong. I am really looking forward to relief,
finally. #thisismyjourney

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